Reading H’s posts about her sleep troubles with G (here and here) gave me the courage to post my sleep issues with XM in hopes that you, my gentle readers, will offer me your advice.
- Confession number 1: I still swaddle my six month old.
That’s right. Every night I swaddle XM and she loves it. When I put her down on her swaddle blankets, she holds her arms by her sides and lets me wrap her up tight.
- Confession number 2: I rock my baby to sleep every night.
Or more accurately, I bounce her to sleep on the exercise ball. After she is nursed and swaddled, I bounce her for about ten minutes and put her down in her crib fast asleep. She sleeps for seven to ten hours.
- Confession number 3: I put my baby down for naps in her swing.
I can put her in the swing while she’s awake and she’ll fall asleep for 1-2 hours.
Until recently, I’ve had the mentality of “why fix it if it ain’t broke?” XM sleeps through the night and naps well. I pushed the nagging “you’re fostering unhealthy sleep habits” voice to the back of my head.
Well, now I’ve reached a problem. XM is too big for her swing. She can reach up with her long monkey arms and grab the mobile at the top. It’s only a matter of time until she pulls herself out of the harness. So, a few days ago I attempted to put XM down to nap in her crib. I went through our sleep-time ritual and then I put her in the crib (awake) instead of the swing. She didn’t cry, but rather played and talked to herself for about 45 minutes. Then she cried, and I picked her up because the time for napping had passed.
The next day I tried to use the bed-time routine for napping. I nursed her, swaddled her, and then bounced her to sleep before I put her in the crib. She slept for about 10 minutes then woke up and played for about 20 minutes. After that she cried and I went in to her. The time for napping had passed.
I have Spears’ “The Baby Book” and Weissbluth’s “Healthy Sleep Habits: Happy Child.” The two books give the EXACT OPPOSITE advice, almost word for word. Nurse to sleep, don’t nurse to sleep. Let her cry it out to help her self-sooth. Don’t let her cry it out or else she’ll learn I am unresponsive to her needs. Ugh. I see logic in both approaches, but I can’t decide what to do.
How did you get your babies to fall asleep on their own?
XM’s pediatrician said I should work on two things right away: get her out of the swing and put her in the crib awake. He told me to continue to swaddle her until she no longer wanted it. He said to let her cry it out for five minutes. If she doesn’t settle down, then go into her and get her to sleep anyway I can. Eventually, she will fall asleep rather than crying. What do you think? Is that good advice? Both Dr. Spears and Dr. Weissbluth would disagree.
Please share advice, war stories, encouragement and disapproval.
12 comments:
Take heart, novice mama. At least XM is your first. No one (including yourself and/or your doctor and/or your friends) expects you to know what you are doing!
There's nothing wrong with how you've been working it! (Very similar to how we worked it, actually.)
There was a hiccup with transitioning from going to sleep in the swing (which we frequently let her do) to sleeping on her own in the crib, but it didn't take more than a week to get there. You might want to try giving her a bath before putting her down - the rise in temperature followed by the drop (after getting out) is supposed to trigger increased sleepiness. What we do now with Eden is 1) light meal, 2) bath, 3) warm milk, 4) bed.
Good luck!
You are so cute. You are doing just fine. It is all trial and error with these little ones. You just have to try things until you can find one that works. Good luck girly!
Thanks everyone!
Status update: I put her in her crib drowsy but awake for her morning nap. She played for about 35 minutes then cried. Right now, she is sleeping in her crib for the afternoon nap; BUT...I bounced her to sleep before I put her down. (I couldn't help it!!!). She's been sleeping for 10 minutes so far. *fingers crossed*
New book purchased: No-Cry Sleep Method.
Well, let's see. I don't think I'll be much help, though. But I love it when people "ask" me for sleep advice. :) I don't have a problem with letting a baby cry it out per se, but making sleep a full-time task earlier than later pretty much eliminates the need to let them cry. If that makes any sense.
Swaddling is good. We swaddled S until it got too hot and he could roll over and to sleep on his tummy (around 6 months). It took maybe two nights for him to sleep well once we stopped swaddling. But swaddling is a very good thing and I wouldn't stop until you get the other issues under control.
You know I don't believe in rocking children to sleep, so I won't go there. :)
So if you feel like you need to get her to nap in the crib, then work on that first. Then work on teaching her to put herself to sleep. I think she's way too old to try to get her to re-adjust both habits at once.
So for naps maybe feed her, swaddle her, bounce her (cringe) and put her in her crib. Do this EVERY single nap without changing anything else for a few days. If she wakes up early, let her play. Go get her after a few minutes of crying. And repeat the exact same thing next time. Habits take time to establish, so don't expect big changes the first or second day.
I was a nazi about sleep. Everything is sooooo much better when you have good sleep. I'll rock S to sleep sometimes now, I'll cuddle for hours, or if I'm tired, I'll just put him right to bed awake. There's happiness and patience AND flexibility when the baby sleeps well. I promise!
Oh, and more bad news. Around 6-8 months babies develop object permanence. So it's harder to sleep train at that age. Both of my children had little bumps in the road during that time because at that age they wake up, want you, know they want you, and can't/won't put themselves back to sleep. When they're younger, they might wake up but they don't know you exist unless they can see, hear, or smell you. Or they're hungry obviously.
Good luck!
Shelley - we have started bathing XM before bed because she gets so messy after eating cereal. You're right-it has been great. I think she loves to be all clean, and I love to smell her glorious baby smell (sans grime) while I get her to sleep!
Thanks M. I went back and reread your sleep post. It has a bunch of good ideas.
How did you handle S's transition from the bouncy chair to the crib? Also, how did you dress S when you stopped swaddling? Did you put him in a warmer sleeper, a sleep sack or a blanket? I'm hesitant to stop swaddling XM because she still startles every time I put her down in the crib. The swaddle keeps her arms in so she doesn't wake up.
I've got a bunch of good ideas from you guys and I really like the No Cry Sleep Solutions so far.
So far she is still sleeping through the night even though her nap routine is messed up, so I hope that continues.
Thanks again, and please feel free to keep the advice coming. I'd love all the suggestions I can get.
i never could figure out the swaddling thing, cutler always wiggled out of the swaddle. so i always dress him in in warm PJ's with a little blanket to cover him.
We still swaddle Sophie and she is 18 months old! It didn't seem that weird until we brought Macy home and Sophie seemed so huge. I had the same experience w/ the books all giving conflicting advice. Recently we tried the Ferber method when Sophie was having some problems going down it worked great in only a few nights. It sounds like that is similar to what your ped. told you to try. Good Luck!!
The transition from bouncer to crib... He was 4 months, but it was pretty easy. I just did the routine but put him in the crib instead of the bouncer. If I remember right he woke a time or two, but by then he was consistantly sleeping well, so it was just a minor change in his habits. The great thing about a baby that sleeps well -- is they can sleep well anywhere. A few days after I transitioned him to the crib, we spent 10 days at my sister's house and he slept on the floor the whole time. And did just fine. N wasn't THAT easy- The goal is to get the baby to sleep. It shouldn't matter where.
How warm is your house? Ours is kept at 75 this summer, so I dress him in a terrycloth or cotton sleeper with a thinish blanket laid over him. Half the time the blanket gets moved, though, as he rolls around. I would continue swaddling until she doesn't need it or until she rolls over onto her tummy to sleep. You'll know when she's ready to sleep on her tummy cause you'll find her swaddled still -- but on her tummy one day.
You're doing great! And she's doing great too by the sounds of her night sleeping. Yeah!
no advice... but with these muslins (my personal fav) you can swaddle til she's four. they are so big!
http://tinyurl.com/5swyj5
Thanks for the link Sarah. I'll have to give those a try because I definitely need more swaddle blankets.
Okay, so I was a constant worrier about establishing a good routine and sleep habits (my mom still mocks me about it). But a good routine helps everyone. I actually read a few books and then made my routine based on the things I agreed with most. The book I followed mostly was the Baby Whisperer. The author has a lot of great tips especially for people who want to make a change in routine. There's also a website where people who use the same method post with their problems and advice (www.babywhispererforums.com) which I would read a lot when I was having problems.
I think your pediatrician gave you great advice. We swaddled our little one until she didn't want it anymore. I didn't rock her to sleep and always tried to put her down for a nap or bedtime awake. We established a going to sleep routine of reading then singing (except at night time when she also gets a bath and bottle).
Here's some of my tips, start winding her down twenty minutes before you want to put her down for a nap. If you want to use the bouncy ball to wind her down, that's okay, just make sure she's awake before you put her to sleep. Also, what I would do when she was having a hard time is lay her down in the crib and turn her on her side and kind of just rub/pat her back and said "shhh" slowly over and over until she closed her eyes.
It's great when it all works, but change inevitably comes with new milestones, teething, and just bad days, but luckily once those times pass if you're on a good routine, they seem to just slip right back into the routine.
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