Baby Blessing

Yang gave Xiao Mei a baby blessing last Sunday. It was a special day for all of us. It is very touching to watch a father interact with his baby daughter, and to express his hopes and wishes for her future.

Down Town

Xiao Mei got all dressed up to visit her dad at his office down town. This is the first time she has worn a dress, tights, and shoes. I think she looked pretty cute, but we were both glad to get back to our standard, comfy sleepers.

On Polygyny

I’ve been trying to ignore this topic, but I can’t seem to let it go. I am a little disturbed by the raid on the Texas ranch. It seems overly aggressive and smacks of a witch hunt. My Mormon persecution complex has been reawakened after the Romney spectacle,* and I suspect that there is more than concern for the welfare of the children motivating Texas child protective services.

My thoughts on polygyny are a bit convoluted. Up until my early-twenties, I despised polygyny because I was trying to distance myself, as a Mormon, from our polygynist past. I thought all polygynists should be aggressively sought out and arrested, and I did not understand why the Utah attorney general largely ignored the polygynists living in Utah.

In law school, my opinion about polygyny and polyandry started to change. I now think that polygamy should be decriminalized. Consenting adults can already have sexual relations with more than one person, so I don’t think the state should criminalize consenting adults who marry more than one person. I realize that, in practice, polygamy is often accompanied by all kinds of abuse. However, there are adequate laws in existence to cover those issues. Child abuse, statutory rape, spousal rape (in most states), and welfare fraud are already illegal. Arrest people for those crimes, not for polygamy. That way, the happy, Big-Love-style polygamists can live openly and in peace. They are a minority, but they do exist. Not all polygamists are of the Warren Jeffs’ variety.

So, back to Texas. Is it really necessary to haul 401 children out of their homes for questioning? Doesn’t DHS usually investigate parents and children in their home before they authorize removal? I don’t believe that all 401 children were at risk of imminent harm, serious enough to warrant the state taking custody of them. I am sure Texas officials will find some serious abusive situations; however, I predict the majority of the children removed from their homes are not being abused and are not in danger. My guess is that the majority of the polygamist women, who had their children taken from them, are loving and adequate parents. I wager that some of the fathers are even loving, adequate parents. Was it really necessary to remove the children from their home? Can you imagine the trauma these kids are experiencing right now? Now they will be stuck in a foster care situation for weeks, if not months, while TDHS conducts it’s investigation.

I think the raid was over the top and unnecessary. It was motivated, in some part, by religious bigotry. Any Mormon, me included, will tell over and over that Mormons are not polygamists. We’re not. The LDS church officially discontinued that practice over 100 years ago. However, we are intimately connected with the FLDS (polygamist) church because both religions are an outgrowth of the teachings of Joseph Smith. We are triplets. The LDS church is the good triplet, the FLDS church is the bad triplet, and the Community of Christ (RLDS) is the cool triplet. Anyway, because we are connected, I can’t help but feel sympathetic for the women who had their children taken away from them on Monday. They may be crazy religious nut jobs, but I don’t doubt that the majority of the women love their children and provide them with adequate care.

This post is getting really long and rambling, but I have one last thing. I am totally annoyed with the fact that the state rented buses from the Baptists. Seriously? Were there not enough religiously neutral busses available? They had to use Baptist busses? I can just imagine the local Baptist pastor relishing the symbolism of it all. The Baptists busses are leading the crazy polygynists toward spiritual salvation. Nice.

* The media coverage surrounding Romney’s bid for president unearthed major anti-Mormon sentiment. Until then, I was blissfully unaware that Mormons were so despised by so many people.

UPDATE: Here is a great blog post about the affidavit that was used the justify the raid.

ANOTHER UPDATE: I removed the link to the CNN article. I didn't realize that CNN posts a link to all the blogs that link it's articles. I got a handful of interesting comments from strangers, and I had to delete a few that told me I was on my way to hell. I didn't take it personally--I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Baby Smiles

Xiao Mei is six weeks old. As you can see, she smiles now. I am totally and completely in love with this little girl.

Baby Gollum

One of my biggest worries prior to delivering Xiao Mei was how the cats would interact with the baby. Thankfully, that worry turned out to be a non-issue. The cats barely notice the XM is around. They are mildly curious about her and not at all hostile. Phew. However, Gollum seems to be a bit jealous of the attention we give XM. He no longer has exclusive rights to my lap, but has to wait his turn.

I went shopping one evening and left Xiao Mei with Yang. When I came home, Yang was bouncing on the exercise ball. I assumed he was holding XM. When I looked closer, I noticed that Yang was bouncing (and burping) Gollum, and that Xiao Mei was asleep in her swing. It was hilarious. Gollum’s expression conveyed that it was the most natural and normal thing for him to be bounced and burped—just like baby XM.

Holy Envy

Many Christians only go to church on Easter and Christmas. For me, I often want to skip church on Easter and Christmas. You see, we Mormons are a little too casual in our celebration. Like Kristine (my favorite mo-blogger), I have holy envy. I wish we had a bit more pomp and circumstance. I wish we had better music and more ceremony. I wish we were a bit more High Church, especially at Easter. Although it didn’t happen this Easter, several times over the years I have gone to church on Easter and the sacrament meeting theme was priesthood or tithing, or something very mundane for Mormons.

When I was a teenager, I used to go to Christmas mass as an act of rebellion. (Only in Utah is going to mass rebellious). Even though I was there for the wrong reason, I was always so impressed and moved with the service. It was beautiful, solemn, and important.

This Easter our sacrament meeting had an Easter theme (very good), the choir sang Easter songs (also good). Anyway, I teach Sunday school to the teenagers. I thought I would go over the western liturgical calendar. Specifically, we discussed Holy Week. I was a little disappointed, but not surprised, with how little my class knew about Holy Week. They didn’t know what was remembered on Palm Sunday. They didn’t know what was honored on Maundy Thursday (although they guessed correctly with a few hints). My class is really smart and scripturally savvy (especially for teenagers), but we Mormons have no exposure to some of the more beautiful celebrations in Christiandom. *Sigh*

Maybe I’ll become Catholic or Anglican for two days a year.

Cute Cousin

Check out XM's adorable cousin born 16 days after her. I am so excited to see these two together. Baby C lives in Utah, so, unfortunately, it may be a while before they can meet.

Bon Voyage

My parents moved to Beirut last week for a service mission for the LDS church. They will live there for the next 18 months. My father speaks French, and he and my mom will administer and distribute relief supplies in Lebanon.

My dad is thrilled with the assignment. He has an adventurous spirit. I think my mother is not thrilled, although she would never admit it. She is a home-body, and I know she would rather be surrounded by grandkids than traipsing around the streets of Beirut. She really loves my dad and I think she is doing this for him. I'm very proud of her.

I pray for their safety and speedy return.

Parenting. It's about. . . time.

Happy Birthday Xiao Mei! I can’t believe it has already been one month!

Xiao Mei usually gives me four or five hours a day, in one hour increments, to spend on myself. What should I do with my four hours today? Eat? Sleep? Laundry? Clean? Check my work email (shudder)? Watch TV? Read? Stare at the wall? Pack her up and run to the store? I am becoming amazingly discriminating in the way I use my time. Time is precious.

The world of breastfeeding is very satisfying, but also very frustrating. Unfortunately, we still don’t have it worked out. About half the time, there is a major battle at the breast. She screams and cries and chokes and roots and squirms. During those feedings, it usually takes me almost an hour to get XM ten minutes worth of milk. The other half the time, she nurses beautifully! After receiving tons of advice from lactation consultants, friends and family, I finally went to her pediatrician. I picked up some acid reflux medicine today. If that doesn’t help, I will eliminate dairy from my diet. If that doesn’t work, I’m out of luck for the next three months. God bless her…and me.

I have anxiety about leaving the house with XM. Last week, I packed her up and took her to work. I showed her off at work for about an hour. She did great, but once we got home she was hysterical. She threw up what seemed like gallons and couldn’t eat well to refill her belly. It took us over a day to recover from that little outing. Yikes. I don’t want to be a shut in, but it is so much easier that way.

I’ve started pumping. It is humiliating and hilarious. I am no longer human…my bovine name shall be Bessy. I bought a nice pump, so it works efficiently. I’ve been pumping once a day for about a week, but I haven’t given her a bottle yet. For some reason, I have major bottle anxiety. I’m afraid that if she starts using a bottle, she will never go back to the breast. (Yang has tried giving her a bottle once or twice with no real success). However, I was forced to seriously introduce the bottle today because I had to dissolve her acid reflux medicine in the milk. (I asked the Pharmacist if I could just eat the medicine and then breast feed her. The Pharmacist didn’t realize I was kidding and earnestly explained to me why that wouldn’t work). Thankfully, she did relatively well with the bottle. We’ll see if she now shuns the breast.

My hour is up.

UPDATE: I realize that my friends with more than one child are probably rolling their eyes at this post. Please humor me! Remember what is was like to be a new mama?

Also, I wanted to add some of the highlights of my first month with XM. First, her coo can melt my heart. It can erase the tenseness of an hour's worth of crying in an instant. Also, I love it when she is well fed and just about to fall asleep. She makes a series of funny faces and sounds. She smiles, sucks, yawns, sighs, then smiles again, makes fish lips, and finally relaxes to sleep. It is adorable.

She is up to several hours of quite alertness a day/night. There is nothing more fascinating than this time. She looks up at me, and I look down at her, and we stare at each other. She is so alert and attentive. I love it! This time is best spent on the exercise ball. XM love the bounce created by the exercise ball--all other bouncing pales in comparison. The quickest way to calm her down is to pop a squat on the exercise ball.

Finally, XM turned out to be longshanks after all! She has long legs and a skinny little body. She is almost too long for her newborn sleepers! She loves it when I massage her legs and feet.

My Labor and Delivery

As Yang announced below, Xiao Mei was born February 13, 2008. In anticipation of her arrival, I read five pregnancy books and three child care books. I completed a child care class and a labor and delivery class. I thought I was informed. I thought I was ready.

Nothing could have prepared me for the experience of giving birth.

Tuesday afternoon, around 2 pm, I started noticing regular contractions. They didn’t hurt, so I assumed they were “false labor.” I assumed they would last days, or at least a dozen hours or so. Experienced mothers confirmed my assumptions. I went about my work and started packing up for home at 5 pm. By then, my contractions were a bit more painful. By the time I pulled into my drive way, I was doubled over. I called Yang and suggested that he come home rather than going to his deputy training that night. By the time he got home (around 6 pm) my contractions were three minutes apart. We headed to the hospital.

When they checked me at the hospital, the nurse told me that I was only dilated to a one! A one! I could not believe it. I felt like I failed the first test of motherhood. I promise the contractions hurt. Thankfully, the nurse believed me and I was admitted. I went into the hot tub to help with the pain and stayed there for about 45 minutes. Then the nurse checked me again. I was at a five! I calmly asked (read: screamed) for an epidural. It was on its way. I waited. It was on its way. The anesthesiologist arrived just as I reached nine. The epidural kicked in just in time to start pushing. By then it was about 10 pm. Everyone assumed that the baby would be out in 20 minutes, but unfortunately I had to push for about 2 ½ hours. Ugh. Toward the end of pushing, her heart rate started dropping. The OB suggested assistance with forceps, and meanwhile they prepared a surgical bed for a cesarean. Thankfully, she came out with assistance.

The whole world melted away when they placed my Xiao Mei on my stomach.

Nothing could have prepared me for the experience of holding Xiao Mei for the first time.

That is my labor and delivery story. Let us never speak of it again.

Below are some pictures of Xiao Mei’s first bath and first car ride. My mother made my nursery set, and the quilt was too beautiful to use as a blanket so I hung it on the wall.

I also posted a picture that illustrates why we affectionately refer to her as "bug."

Xiao Mei

Meet our new addition, whose blog name will be Xiao Mei. Xiao Mei was born early this morning at 12:30, after about five hours of labor. Mom and daughter are doing well.

Xiao Mei is 6lbs 12oz, 20 inches long. Welcome to the world!

You're It

Chelle tagged me.

Here's the tag:

1. Pick up the nearest book (one of at least 123 pages)

2. Open the page to 123

3. Find the 5th sentence.

4. Post the next 3 sentences

5. Tag 5 people.

Here's my response:

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

"'Our whole business therefore in this life,' wrote Saint Augustine, rather Yogically, 'is to restore to health the eye of the heart whereby God may be seen.'
Like all great philosophical ideas, this one is simple to understand but virtually impossible to imbibe. OK--so we are all one, and divinity abides within us all equally."

I tag: Shelley, mellow-drama, H. Bartle, G, and M.

Really, Huckabee? Really?!

"I know the pundits, and I know what they say: The math doesn't work out," Huckabee said Saturday morning at the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington. "Well, I didn't major in math; I majored in miracles. And I still believe in those, too."

Blech.

One Hundred Hours Until I Meet You

Or two weeks, or two days, or....

Wow. I'm still crying over this essay. Thinking about the moment I get to meet my "long lost friend" is consuming my mind. Thinking about two weeks later, when I am tired and confused is also on my mind. I am about to be tested and tried in a way I can't even imagine, but I am so excited to start.

Death, Birth, and the Whole Cycle of Life

I apologize in advance because this post is intentionally vague and obtuse. Two particular deaths in the last week have focused my thoughts on life and mortality. Last night, Yang commented that death comes in threes, so I should expect one more. I’m not superstitious, but I’m still a bit worried. I hope the Enforcer of Superstitious Rules bends the rule in this case or will allow Ella’s birth to substitute for the last death.

Death is a common topic of conversation in my line of work, so I am usually very matter-of-fact about it. It is natural and even beautiful. But, death is such a sharp contrast to the life growing inside of me that lately the thought of it stings. How can people be dying when life is just beginning for Eleanor and me? Throw pregnancy hormones in the mix, and I’m a big bundle of confusion, peace, fear, serenity, and tears.

I must admit, however, that nothing celebrates life more powerfully than juxtaposing it with death.

37 Weeks and Sympathy Nesting

Behold, the belly! Being 37 and a half weeks pregnant is not much fun. I hurt and I’m grouchy. Poor Yang. I did not want to post a picture, but 9 months (one year...two years) from now, when I’ve finally recovered (physically, at least), it may be interesting to look back at this time.

Yang has been an ideal, supportive husband. No, really, I’m not just blowing smoke. He’s amazing. He has been so sympathetic and understanding for the last 37 weeks. Thankfully, his sympathy has never really veered into sympathy symptoms. His diet and weight have been consistent, his illnesses (legitimate and/or hypochondria-related) have never required more attention than my pregnancy caused illnesses, and most importantly, he has never complained of back pain in my presence.

Yang has, however, recently developed sympathy nesting. (The best symptom of all!). Two days ago, he decided to finish the remaining room in the house–the one we decided not to finish until sometime later this year. The last few nights, in his free time (between 10 pm and 2 am), he has removed trim and textured the walls. He still needs to paint, install hardwood floors, replace doors and closets, and add trim. Knowing Yang, this will be finished by Sunday afternoon.

Despite my grouchiness, I have been flooded with kindness from family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors. The proverbial village really does step up to help raise (gestate?) a child. I have had a few baby showers, and I have been overwhelmed with gifts and support. People are so generous at a time when the help is definitely needed. I am very grateful.

I’ll keep you all up to date. It is very likely that my next post will be an announcement!

Interesting

Check out this great essay on the intersection of Mormonism and politics.

Rats!

Chinese New Year is February 7, 2008. That date ushers in the Year of the Rat, and Ella will most likely be a Rat. According to Wikipedia, “being the first sign of the Chinese zodiac, rats are leaders, pioneers and conquerors. They are charming, passionate, charismatic, practical and hardworking. Rat people are endowed with great leadership skills and are the most highly organized, meticulous, and systematic of the twelve signs.” Good so far. But wait,

“Behind the smiles and charm, rats can be terribly obstinate and controlling, insisting on having things their way no matter what the cost. These people tend to have immense control of their emotions, which they may use as a tool to manipulate and exploit others, both emotionally and mentally. Rats are masters of mind games and can be very dangerous, calculative and downright cruel if the need arises. Quick-tempered and aggressive, they will not think twice about exacting revenge on those that hurt them in any way. Rats need to learn to relax sometimes, as they can be quite obsessed with detail, intolerant and strict, demanding order, obedience, and perfection.”

Yikes! It gets even worse, “Traditionally, Rats should avoid Horses, but they can usually find their best friends. . . in Monkeys, Dragons, and Oxen.” Great. I’m a Horse and Yang is a Dragon. I knew she’d be a daddy’s girl.

Hmmm. Maybe I should hope for an early arrival. February 6, 2008 would be a great birthday. Then Ella would be a Pig.

“The Pig type is usually an honest, straightforward and patient person. They are a modest, shy character who prefers to work quietly behind the scenes. When others despair, they are often there to offer support. . . It is easy to put trust in pig type; they won't let you down and will never even attempt to do so.. . .”

“There is a tolerant and peaceful side to their character. Such people are never afraid to allow others their freedom of expression; they do not want to cause arguments and if there is any way to avoid arguing, they will probably take this option. However, they are not weak and if the situation forces them to fight these people will rise to the occasion, whether it is to defend themselves or those close to them.”

Rats or Pigs? I want a Pig.

Update

I feel like I should be in a Nationwide commercial, with Joel McHale playing the part of Eleanor. Life comes at you fast. This post is a random update on pregnancy and other issues.

First, I am 33 weeks along. Dang. I hoped I would still be cute pregnant at this point, but I most definitely am not. I am jabba-huge. My stomach is out of control—I keep expecting to tip over. Unfortunately, my butt and legs are out of control as well. It’s a whole body transition. My back aches, I can’t sleep well, and I run out of breath after walking more than 10 steps. My emotions aren’t totally out of control, but I do have a touch of the crazy. I am much more honest than I’ve ever been. I just don’t have the patience for social niceties and subtleties anymore. My back hurts too much to be polite.

My cats have discovered that my pregnant belly provides a nice cozy perch, so they jump up on my stomach every time I sit still. Ella isn’t quite sure what to think about the company. Sometimes she tolerates the squatters, but most times she kicks and punches them. Often, she moves enough to run the cats off the belly! I anticipate this battle will continue into the postpartum days. I suspect Gollum, in particular, will compete for my attention every time I hold Ella. Sorry Gollum. You will lose, but I’ll do my best to accommodate both cat and baby.

Of all the indignities of pregnancy, nothing is more humiliating than pregnancy aerobics. (Ok, um, there are several things more humiliating, but let me be dramatic for a moment). I recently started an aerobic routine because my hugeness is out of control. Wow, I must look very pathetic shuffling along and waving my arms. I used to run 10+ miles a week, now I get winded doing the mambo-cha-cha-cha. Thankfully I can do it in the privacy of my own home.

In non-pregnancy news, I am obsessed with the 2008 campaign. It all started with the Romney Mormon issue. I am not Republican, and would not vote for Romney if I were, but I am fascinated with his campaign. I must admit I am very surprised at how the whole Mormon issue has played out. I agree with what Ken Jennings said in a NY Daily News opinion (sorry, I can’t find a link).

“This is a strange season to be a Mormon,” Jennings begins. “During my lifetime, I thought The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints had effectively mainstreamed itself. Being a Mormon was like being Canadian, or a vegetarian, or a unicyclist — it made you a bit of a conversation piece at dinner, but you didn’t come in for any lip-curling scorn.”

The news coverage in December was surprisingly vitriolic. I love the irony in religious people calling other religious people crazy, or southern Baptists calling Mormons racist, or journalists requesting that Romney summarize his faith in a political speech. I couldn’t fully explain the essence, basis, and nuance of my faith if I had a week.

I think Romney asked for the scrutiny when he cozied up to the religious right. Ugh. I just hate that our whole religion was dragged into it. I am the first to admit it is painfully easy to create a caricature of Mormonism. But I am also the first to claim that faith is something beautiful, complex, and worthy of respect (or at least tolerance).

In all honesty, I hope Romney loses in Iowa and drops out of the race because he is a Mormon. I guess that makes me a bigot.

Christmas update: Yang and I had a mellow, enjoyable Christmas. We both took some time off work and hung out at the house. For Yang, hanging out meant working on the house. He finished the trim in the kitchen and replaced the kitchen window. We opened our presents a few days early. He got me a video camera and I got him a police scanner. (I know, I know, I shouldn’t encourage him).

The next few weeks will be dedicated to wrapping up work in anticipation of my leave and preparing for baby. I start my childbirth prep classes next week, and I am sure Ella will be here before I am ready. I’m excited.

Labor and Delivery Play List

I am in week 29 of my pregnancy, and I cannot avoid thinking about labor and delivery any longer. I must be brave. Before I dive into the labor and delivery chapters in my pregnancy books, I want to start with a fun assignment--my labor and delivery play list.

I need some advice before I begin. Do you think I should have an up-tempo play list or a soothing play list? I have no idea. While we were at lunch today, G was telling me about his running play list. He has the Bourne Identity theme song on there, and he says it makes him run faster. Do you think fast songs will make my labor progress faster? Hmmm.

I can remember laughing out loud at some of Shelley’s choices for her labor and delivery play list. Some girls are bigger than others, indeed. Ugh...I hope Ella is not a big girl.

Anyway, I would love your recommendations.