Parenting. It's about. . . time.

Happy Birthday Xiao Mei! I can’t believe it has already been one month!

Xiao Mei usually gives me four or five hours a day, in one hour increments, to spend on myself. What should I do with my four hours today? Eat? Sleep? Laundry? Clean? Check my work email (shudder)? Watch TV? Read? Stare at the wall? Pack her up and run to the store? I am becoming amazingly discriminating in the way I use my time. Time is precious.

The world of breastfeeding is very satisfying, but also very frustrating. Unfortunately, we still don’t have it worked out. About half the time, there is a major battle at the breast. She screams and cries and chokes and roots and squirms. During those feedings, it usually takes me almost an hour to get XM ten minutes worth of milk. The other half the time, she nurses beautifully! After receiving tons of advice from lactation consultants, friends and family, I finally went to her pediatrician. I picked up some acid reflux medicine today. If that doesn’t help, I will eliminate dairy from my diet. If that doesn’t work, I’m out of luck for the next three months. God bless her…and me.

I have anxiety about leaving the house with XM. Last week, I packed her up and took her to work. I showed her off at work for about an hour. She did great, but once we got home she was hysterical. She threw up what seemed like gallons and couldn’t eat well to refill her belly. It took us over a day to recover from that little outing. Yikes. I don’t want to be a shut in, but it is so much easier that way.

I’ve started pumping. It is humiliating and hilarious. I am no longer human…my bovine name shall be Bessy. I bought a nice pump, so it works efficiently. I’ve been pumping once a day for about a week, but I haven’t given her a bottle yet. For some reason, I have major bottle anxiety. I’m afraid that if she starts using a bottle, she will never go back to the breast. (Yang has tried giving her a bottle once or twice with no real success). However, I was forced to seriously introduce the bottle today because I had to dissolve her acid reflux medicine in the milk. (I asked the Pharmacist if I could just eat the medicine and then breast feed her. The Pharmacist didn’t realize I was kidding and earnestly explained to me why that wouldn’t work). Thankfully, she did relatively well with the bottle. We’ll see if she now shuns the breast.

My hour is up.

UPDATE: I realize that my friends with more than one child are probably rolling their eyes at this post. Please humor me! Remember what is was like to be a new mama?

Also, I wanted to add some of the highlights of my first month with XM. First, her coo can melt my heart. It can erase the tenseness of an hour's worth of crying in an instant. Also, I love it when she is well fed and just about to fall asleep. She makes a series of funny faces and sounds. She smiles, sucks, yawns, sighs, then smiles again, makes fish lips, and finally relaxes to sleep. It is adorable.

She is up to several hours of quite alertness a day/night. There is nothing more fascinating than this time. She looks up at me, and I look down at her, and we stare at each other. She is so alert and attentive. I love it! This time is best spent on the exercise ball. XM love the bounce created by the exercise ball--all other bouncing pales in comparison. The quickest way to calm her down is to pop a squat on the exercise ball.

Finally, XM turned out to be longshanks after all! She has long legs and a skinny little body. She is almost too long for her newborn sleepers! She loves it when I massage her legs and feet.